Self-Control

to me, self-control is a thing everyone needs to get sorted out.

self-control is important if you want to be a socially acceptable human being.

self-control is important if you still want to have friends.

self-control is important if you want to live a normal life, surviving through the crazy world.

when you feel like you're losing it, that means your self control is no longer working at the time.

or maybe that simply means you've been through too many hard times that even your own emotion just can't take it anymore.

....and I feel like I'm on the very edge of losing mine. almost.

I'm seeking for help.

can't you see it?

Baby, You're A Firework!

Jadi ceritanya malam ini aku lagi random bangeett.. searching-searching gambar-gambar nggak jelas gitu. salah satunya foto-foto kembang api atau fireworks.

waaaw *-*

Iya, aku terobsesi banget sama yang namanya kembang api. walaupun jarang beli + ngidupin sendiri, tapi aku selalu semangat dateng/nonton sebuah acara kalau acara itu ada kembang api-nya. kalau lagi di jalan dan tiba-tiba ada suara kembang api gitu, aku rela mlipir dan berhenti di pinggir jalan cuma buat nontonin tu kembang api..

cantik yaaaa

aaa...

anyone feel familiar with this? hahaha

Kecantikan kembang api itu bisa mendiamkan tangis sedih kekecewaan atau kemarahan. kecantikan kembang api bisa membungkam rengekan bayi dan meninggalkannya tercengang menatap langit, kecantikan kembang api bisa mendekatkan orang-orang meski tanpa bertukar kata. hanya terdiam menikmati ledakan-ledakan energik yang terjadi di langit, dengan warna-warninya yang cantik dan bunga-bunga apinya yang bertebaran dengan anggun. :)

Jadi, udah ketahuan kan sekarang kenapa blog ini aku juduli Rainbow Fireworks? hehe.

She Is Gone

You can shed tears that she is gone

Or you can smile because she has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back

Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her

Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember her and only that she is gone

Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

-Written by David Harkins, copyright 1981-

replace the "she" with "he" and "her" with "him" and "his" then this poem would totally relate to me.

DEPAPEPE.

Consider this as an appreciation post to the super-talented duo that have caught my attention related to instrumental music for a couple of years now.

yep, they're DEPAPEPE.

obviously they're older now compared to the picture. tapi skill nggitar mereka haven't decreased at all. they never fail to amaze me with the rhythm they produce with guitar strings, and what I love the most about them is their faces everytime they start playing the six-stringed instrument. wajah mereka menunjukkan kalau mereka benar-benar mencintai apa yang mereka lakukan, and it inspired me.

Depa (kiri) a.k.a Miura Takuya dan Pepe (kanan) a.k.a Tokuoka Yoshinari memulai karier sejak 2002, I think. (at least that's what I got from Wikipedia..) bayangin! mereka udah mulai berkarya sejak sebelum aku masuk SD dan aku baru tau soal mereka tahun 2010-2011 ini. God bless the internet.. and they've made, like, bazillion songs. ok that was hyperbolic. tapi sumpah, lagu mereka udah banyak banget, bisa dilihat disini. mau cari lagu yang energetic? ada. yang blues? ada. they can do wonders and I believe they're the real definition of "prodigy". all I can say is.. they deserve to be discovered by world wide. they deserve an enormous fame with that kind of talent, really.

well enough compliments, praises and kudos to those two. needless to say that I'm definitely a fan of them though not an obsessed one, but still they're ah-ma-zing. (surprise! another compliment. I just had to.)

Repeatedly

Hari ini, aku merasakan sesuatu yang ganjil.

I felt like breaking down.

Bukan, hal ini nggak ada hubungannya dengan tetek-bengek hari Valentine atau apalah. I assure you it's not about that.

Hari ini, aku merasakan sesuatu yang ganjil.

Entah, mungkin ada hubungannya dengan tekanan batin dan fisik yang lebih kuat dari biasanya, karena perjalanan menembus hujan gerimis yang lumayan deras; atau hujan itu sendiri. Rain always brings the melodramatic part of me. And the evident fact that I'm tired as hell didn't do much help.

Sore itu, radio mobil mengalunkan the most possible sad song for my current condition.

"Mengapa terjadi, kepada dirimu
aku tak percaya kau telah tiada.
Haruskah ku pergi tinggalkan dunia
agar aku dapat berjumpa denganmu?"

And just like that, the memories came rushing back into my brain. Rindu itu kembali lagi, though it's always there, but this time kerinduan itu membesar, dan lebih besar lagi saat telingaku menangkap lagu-lagu sejenis ini; I just couldn't help it.

I acted strong all the time, this time I just wanted to feel the loneliness, the sadness and desperation of accepting the truth. I'm allowed to break down at some point, aren't I?

Just so you know, acting all strong and tough sucks.

But there was I, holding back my sobs for like the millionth time, swallowing the pain that was threatening to afloat itself in a fit form of tears.

Hari ini, aku merasakan sesuatu yang ganjil.

Tapi aku bisa apa? Itu pertanyaannya: aku bisa apa? I could't bring him back, I couldn't have the unimportant yet meaningful father-daughter moment anymore. I couldn't see his actual smile anymore, I couldn't feel his hand patting my head proudly anymore. I couldn't hear his laughter, I couldn't smell his usual scent, with or without cologne. I didn't even get to feel his support at the end of my junior high year.

I keep telling myself to let it go. I tried but I just failed miserably. Fortunately I quite have the ability to put myself together, I have put on so many masks, too many that it's almost hard to differ which is my sincere emotions and which is not.

Hari ini, aku merasakan sesuatu yang ganjil.

Lalu aku menyadari apa keganjilan itu.

After all, things that have been bottled up for a long time shall be released sooner or later, along with the consequences.

Hari ini, aku merasakan sesuatu yang ganjil.

So here I am, typing all my heart out, well exactly not all of it. But it did make my heart feel a little less depressed.

Missing someone has never been this painful.